Misread
Kings of Convenience

If you wanna be my friend
You want us to get along
Please do not expect me to
Wrap it up and keep it there
The observation I am doing could
Easily be understood
As cynical demeanour
But one of us misread...
And what do you know
It happened again

A friend is not a means
You utilize to get somewhere
Somehow I didn't notice
friendship is an end
What do you know
It happened again

How come no-one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it's up to me now
Should I take that risk or just smile?

What do you know
It happened again
What do you know

I have severe issues with physical contact. Most of my friends know that I am not a person who hugs or touches shoulders. I'm just not the type. That doesn't mean that I don't want to do all those things, though. In fact, I keep wanting to hug the people I like, but I don't.

Yesterday, I saw one of my high school seatmates and yes, I had a bit of a crush on him because he kept making me awesome mix tapes (and this was before High Fidelity) and looked like a beaver. He pulled on my ponytail as I was walking and I didn't know what to do. Should we touch cheeks? Hug? In the end, I stood there gaping at him, asking him how he was. I don't like him that way anymore, of course, but it was great running into someone I genuinely enjoyed talking to, way back when.

Him: You look the same! Do I look the same?
Me: You look exactly the same!

After the usual round of question and answer, I shook his hand and left. Like I was some sort of politician. What the fuck.

I don't want to be making that impression on old friends. I was warm and convivial when we were friends, why should a few years make any difference? I hate how cold and distant I have become not only to other people, but even to myself.

Lately, I've been aching to talk to someone. Anyone. I've been mourning the friends I have lost and am slowly losing(some more than others) but I know that if I have lost them, it could only be my fault.

I wish, at least, to keep my best friend.

Addressed to everyone and no one in particular: Am I that bad? I'm very sorry.