An old entry of mine.

There are so much more things now that I'm jealous of. Normal lives, for instance. Right now, I wish I could line up all my loved-ones in front of me, for the sake of knowing that I can.

And then I would like a clear, and definite path for me to take. No dark corners, no unexpected twists, no mystery. Just for today. Just so I know I have ample reason to go on. I'm just so tired of not knowing anymore.

But as I wrote in my paper journal a couple of weeks ago:

"Maybe 22 is too young for peace, at least the kind that I am looking for. Who knows, I might reach the point wherein I would much rather have this dramatic sense of turbulence than smooth, uneventful sailing."

I really need clarity right now, though. I'm starting to lose my sense of hope.