"Guess what, our paper's super beautiful!" This said in a whirlwind of a voice at high noon, the time of day when I feel exceptionally bedraggled and spent.

I am now suddenly working for a group of people who make careers out of their sheer, expert charm. Feeling much like old, stale bread, I was sandwiched between a guy who had just arrived from a two-month spree in Europe, abound with pictures from Gibraltar, Rome, The Louvre, etc. "The Mona Lisa isn't that great. I took pictures, though, and the fuck, people kept shoving me!" and a woman who could pass for 21 but was actually 30, talking a mile-a-minute. "Mika look at the pictures sweetie! Omg Paris, I swear, I was staying at this hotel and every morning I would open the windows and see people who were so much in love! Old people, girl to girl, guy to guy, I swear! Are you super busy? " (I'm not very good with new people and so I was pretending to be immersed in a Theology handout, underlining "Conscience is a will towards the good combined with an obliging feeling.")

I try to match the life in her voice and say, "Are you serious? Old girl-to-girl and guy-to-guy couples?"

Which, of course, was the stupidest thing man had ever uttered in the company of people who-had-it-all. Right.

Woman laughs. "Sa awa ng Diyos hindi pa naman. Tangina, you're so funny!"

And this goes on for 5 hours.

I think they're really nice people, although I shrink at their ease with new people and places. Hong Kong next week? I'm good to go! What about Bangkok Mika? Erm... I don't know... "I'll go!" weak, relieved, self-conscious giggle. "You have to go to this studio to have pictures shot for the billboard next month." A billboard.

This is a very good opportunity for me, I keep telling myself. I have "I'm telling you, this is my paper, I want it global," ringing in my ears. They're offering me the slot for associate editor and they don't care if I'm unexperienced like anything. Who knows, maybe I'll learn how to be comfortable around "beautiful people," the kind that pepper every other word with cuss words just because they can.

I have to learn, anyway. No use being mousy all your life. They're interested, they're willing to give you a shot and with that alone, you should feel honored. My brother put in a good word for me and I am faced with such self-doubt and thrill, all at the same time.

It's worth dipping my toes in.

Before the glamour however, I have to finish typing the lab report for the soil analysis experiment. Gritty. The mere fact that I am poring over middle school science class internet resources is a humbling experience. And over the top frustrating.