Funny how I've come from being fucking bubbly to just ... plain old sad. I'm listening to Coldplay's "See You Soon" on repeat. It's not helping any. All I do is whine. I can't help it. I can't help posting my stupidity here either, because seeing it in pretty font and enclosed in pink borders gives it a sense of dignity, if you get what I mean. Justification.

I hate jumping from one emotion to the next. I was more than fine in school. I'm great company in school but lousy at home. Just three hours ago I was running around with Camille and Martin with a giant pinwheel at the high school fair, eating hungarian sausage sandwiches and laughing at the girls who went to the fair to look for boys but ended up being too self-conscious to look, after all. The boys who tried to play it cool but failing. I think the initial sense of awkwardness that comes with attraction is beautiful. I used to revel in how I had such a hard time composing good night messages to page him with. Once, it took me such a long time thinking of what to say that Roni grabbed the phone from me and paged him herself.

Now I have this lump in my throat that I won't let out. I think it's because I want someone to talk to at the end of the day but I can't. Because that someone is fast asleep and in a whole different timezone. He keeps scolding me because I whine instead of doing something productive, like working on how to get there. Even I don't understand why I find it so difficult to just fucking move. Move, move, move.

Edit: Okay I feel better. A friend told me that Weezer's "Buddy Holly" reminded him of BJ and I, heh. It takes so little to make me smile. Astig.