Cross posted

May I just say that I love Zithromax and all its 3-day glory. I have finals coming up and I have the stirrings of a full-on flu and because I can't be bothered with 5 days of forgetting, I now only have to deal with 3! Hurrah!

I'm still not all better but it's a big improvement from yesterday where I felt and sounded like I had buckets and buckets of phlegm.

I love you, Zithromax. And Claritin. And Benadryl. And Sinutab (Extra Strength). And Decolgen (non-drowsy).

Oh and of course, I love you Thyrax. Without you I would still think I had Parkinson's disease and a golf ball in my throat.

Amen.

Good riddance, school year

The school year is heaving its last breath and to say that I am ecstatic is an understatement.

It's been toxic in more ways than one - academically, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have forgotten a lot of things about the world and myself and I intend to reacquaint myself with both.

I like what I'm learning and I intend to do my best to finish what I started (not that I'm very good at it) but there are so many days when I just want to up and leave. The environment is just too much for me.

A few reminders: I am infinitely more interesting than what I am in law school. The world moves in much more relevant ways than it does in law school. There are so much more kinds of people than the ones in law school - they are wittier, more genuine and on a whole other plane of maturity that I have so inconveniently forgotten.

I have to realign my senses as to who I really am and classify what feelings are truly mine as opposed to the feelings that I was merely suckered into experiencing. It has been too negative a semester and I hate far too many people (myself, included) than is considered healthy.

There have been blessings, of course. People I have come to love and old friends that I appreciate so much more, now that I realize that, dammit, there are only a handful of people that I am willing to be with.

I cannot wait for this semester to end and I cannot wait for the real world to start, even just for 2 months. I really need a fucking break.

P.S. Of course I'm not talking about EVERYONE in law school. I don't have a superiority complex. Just semi-bad experiences with people. I wish it were a bigger place so it would be easier to ignore but as it is, everyone is confined and exposed to everyone else's negative vibes.

I hate midterms

Someone should do a study on how much people change during testing periods. In my school alone, you would come up with a lot of character profiles.

Some people just won't shut up.

Some people think they're much better than everyone else and, yes, they STILL won't shut up.

Some people, even if they have the intention of helping you out, come across as being annoyingly patronizing.

Some people huddle together and try to outdo one another with how much they know .

Some people just want to be left alone.

I consider myself as one of the people who want to be left alone but when I do ask questions, I don't want any hoity toity tones like "Oh my god, you don't even know that?" or "Oh my god, I told you I told you" or "No no no no." If I'm wrong, tell me why and then shut up. Don't go into a whole tirade about it because it pisses me off.

And it's a curious thing - how people go from being mad silent to SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS and/or whining when they get out of the testing room. Well, okay, yeah I'm one of those.

I wish it would be over so people and the whole vibe would go back to normal. The air is so thick with competition and the desire to one-up everyone, I could spoon it up and have it for breakfast.

Show and tell

This picture was taken 2004.

My brother was a law school sophomore and I was a couple of months out of college (and teaching in Ateneo Grade School, I think).

I was laughing at him because he was studying for Property on a Sunday.

3 years later, I find myself in the exact same situation.

Life sure has a funny way of sneaking up on you.

Midterms.

The Millionaire's Club

20 of us shelled out 1,500 pesos to get 25 lottery tickets each. The big draw is on Wednesday and we are looking to get around 2.5M each. That is, of course, if the stars are in our favor.

Mick couldn't stop talking about what he'd do with his share (laptop, time deposit, and ibibigay kay Charity haha)

Camille wants to get a car.

I can't even begin to think what I would do with 2 million pesos.

It's a long shot and we probably won't get anything but damn is it fun to dream.

2 days from now, I could be a millionaire!

Alas, even millionaires have to study for Nego.

My brother's a barrister!

Yay!! Bar ops, here we come!!

Four long years of hard work. I can only begin to imagine how thrilled he is.

Freshman year signing off.

So freshman year is over.

It didn't feel all that official - not when I handed in my last blue book as a freshman and I got all paranoid that my professor didn't say "See you next sem," like he did with all the others, not when my classmate came rushing out of Veritas whooping, and not when I said goodbye.

It only felt official when my parents clinked wineglasses with me and my brother (who has officially ended senior year and is in that awkward moment between senior and barrister), my dad saying "It's over. The three law students can all officially relax."

The third law student is, of course, my mother, who couldn't sleep AT ALL during finals week because her two grumpy children were pacing all over the house muttering and snapping at each other.

I wish I could relax, but I can't. Not when I know that grades will be out on the 30th, when I would find out if I made the average I NEED to make to enter sophomore year. My father has merrily been crowing out his predictions for my grades, all of which are NOWHERE near my expectations. It's nice to have a supportive father but really, his fearlessly over-optimistic forecasts are freaking me out.

I'm not used to walking around the house without nothing school-related to think about. I have all this empty space before me and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

A list:

1. Sleep in
   
2. Read all the books I've set aside
3. Make reviews for the Prose Portal
4. Get my long-overdue blood test and hope that my thyroid has been behaving, despite the stress I've been under
5. Finally get my rib checked. My left rib is protruding at a weird angle and my hypochondriac self is kicking in
6. Maybe I can also have my nose checked, which feels a little on the broken side, seeing that it has not stood up to my superior dermatological skills (I'm never going to squeeze my zits again. Maybe)
   
7. Switch internet providers, get a wireless router and have it set up
8. Catch up with my non-law school friends (and please, NO TO ROCKWELL)
9. Try to write something substantial
   
10. Go to confession. It's pretty tough going to confession in school when both the priests are your professors. It would be too awkward.
    
11. Wait.
    

Oh god, the waiting is going to kill me.

Fraudulent!

Wow. Oblicon was so bad that when I got the questionnaire, I thought it was a Criminal Law test. I was so confused that I almost went up to the proctor to doublecheck.

Insane. Insane.

I might have a buffer (midterms) but still still still. Bwiset.

I feel like I never went to class. Parang... wherefore art thou knowledge?

On the way home, my ipod decided to play Foo Fighters' "Aurora" which, incidentally, I have always associated with school.

I just kinda died for you, you just kinda stared at me...

I'm only good at being young

I know I never talk about anything other than law school, so I thought I'd talk about it some more. Yesterday was my Constitutional Law II midterm exam. I was so relaxed, planning my whole study schedule around the two free days and allotted 1-3 PM, Saturday, for going over the requisites and provisions one last time. I was taking my sweet time, staying home till 11:30 AM trying to psych myself by listening to music, etc.

Only to find out that the exam was at 1. Holy.

Needless to say, I drove like a bat out of hell, only to arrive at the library panting and crabby. Roar.

Anyway, it's over. My last test (Crim) is on Tuesday so I hope I manage to survive that one.

And it's my birthday tomorrow, imagine that. The big two-five. I used to be a lot more optimistic about birthdays, what with the numerous goals I'd impose on myself. Ever since I threw planning out the window, though, I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm 25.

Hopefully, I'll make it to second year.

Hopefully, I'll be more self-assured.

Hopefully, I'll have fun.

So, yeah, happy birthday to me. And to all the other people who are concerned about getting older without a clue as to what to do next, listen to this song. I know John Mayer is so 2001 but give it a chance, you snobs.

John Mayer - Stop this Train

It's always a surprise to know that you are loved, and in a great way.

"Bad things are happening"

Law school is bringing out the worst (and arguably, also the best) in me. I think this is a different take on what Scott Turow meant by "Meeting the Enemy." Suddenly, I'm getting mad more often and throwing mental tantrums over things like 300-word group papers, from which Miko is currently saving me. It's pretty scary - getting in touch with the basest of feelings over the simplest of things.

I'm getting into the whole "Is she or is she not mad at me" vortex again. I thought I had left all those things back in high school.

This is what happens when you're turning 25 in a few days and your world is consistently shrinking and you realize that it's just the beginning.

... but I still love it. I think I'm going insane.