After what seems to have been the longest four days of my life, I have been given another chance at law school. The past days taught me lessons in humility, patience, faith, friendship and blind hope. Next semester is going to require ten and a half of me and as much as it seems near impossible, I am going to push myself to do it.
Thank you Richelle for coming over with a candy bar and for hugging me, nevermind the fact that I was filthy from being unbathed and depressed. I never thought anyone would do that for me. Hugging me in that condition, that is.
Thank you to Jill, Lauren and Camille who were my mute cheerleaders. They just listened and stood there while I bitched and stared into space at intervals. They took me to Timezone (a place I had never been to before), made me shoot hoops, play Super Trivia! and take Neoprints ... basically just distracted me the hell away from thinking about school. Golden.
Thank you to BJ because he did everything he could as well.
My parents have been wonderful. Although they couldn't kill me all the way from Turkey, they sent me continuous messages saying that it was okay and that they still loved me. And that they still bought me clothes despite the fact that I almost got kicked out. AGAIN. Man, it's amazing how my life has taken on the recurrent theme of getting kicked out and departures.
Finally, my brother. I didn't think he cared so much but last night, when everything was fairly over, he took me to the seediest kebab place at 12:30 in the morning and didn't complain much when I begged if we could just eat it at home because I might need a bathroom. We finished a pint of ice cream each. Boy, it feels good to be eating again.
I have no regrets for the past semester because even if I barely made it, I know I worked to the moon and back and now ... now I have to triple that. Or quadruple that. I'm going to make it if it kills me. I think that was the problem, actually. I held myself back from killing myself over law school, which I think is the essential element of making it. I thought, "Oh hey, I'm 24, I'm not going to kill myself over school." Ayan tuloy, the idea of losing law school almost killed me.
I still have a sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach but, hey, deep breath.
Thank you Richelle for coming over with a candy bar and for hugging me, nevermind the fact that I was filthy from being unbathed and depressed. I never thought anyone would do that for me. Hugging me in that condition, that is.
Thank you to Jill, Lauren and Camille who were my mute cheerleaders. They just listened and stood there while I bitched and stared into space at intervals. They took me to Timezone (a place I had never been to before), made me shoot hoops, play Super Trivia! and take Neoprints ... basically just distracted me the hell away from thinking about school. Golden.
Thank you to BJ because he did everything he could as well.
My parents have been wonderful. Although they couldn't kill me all the way from Turkey, they sent me continuous messages saying that it was okay and that they still loved me. And that they still bought me clothes despite the fact that I almost got kicked out. AGAIN. Man, it's amazing how my life has taken on the recurrent theme of getting kicked out and departures.
Finally, my brother. I didn't think he cared so much but last night, when everything was fairly over, he took me to the seediest kebab place at 12:30 in the morning and didn't complain much when I begged if we could just eat it at home because I might need a bathroom. We finished a pint of ice cream each. Boy, it feels good to be eating again.
I have no regrets for the past semester because even if I barely made it, I know I worked to the moon and back and now ... now I have to triple that. Or quadruple that. I'm going to make it if it kills me. I think that was the problem, actually. I held myself back from killing myself over law school, which I think is the essential element of making it. I thought, "Oh hey, I'm 24, I'm not going to kill myself over school." Ayan tuloy, the idea of losing law school almost killed me.
I still have a sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach but, hey, deep breath.
Time to bring out my power song yet again. You can do this, Mikaela.
Protect and enforce, people. Pardon the puffy eyes, I must have cried over a bad recit.
Protect and enforce, people. Pardon the puffy eyes, I must have cried over a bad recit.
6 comments:
You can do it, Mika! *cheers*
yaaaaaay mika! =)
good luck on the next term, woohoo!
mwah! :) proud of you dear!
Thanks guys! It really means a lot. REALLYREALLY.
you are so lucky i did not take pictures of you when i came over. hahaha
congrats! told you you'd make it :)
hey mika (: another prayer answered. God is goooood.
Hi, Mika!
"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap..."
"Out of life's toughest presses comes the soul's best wine."
Good luck with law school!
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