I feel like writing about random memories

Here’s one.

At my last job as a legal secretary, the only guy at work (aside from the lawyer we all worked for) wouldn’t stop hitting on me. He was a big guy - over six feet tall, with curly hair and looked like a Persian Pete Sampras. Apart from the fact that I had a boyfriend, he was completely not my type and he smelled terrible. I swear, that boy could stink up a whole room like nobody’s business. I never understood how he’d come sauntering in at 10 in the morning looking like he had just taken a shower and still smell like week-old garbage.

He would ask me out everyday. To lunch, to a ten-minute break, to coffee, to a movie, every single day. Even if he knew I had a boyfriend, he wouldn’t stop. First of all, I’m sure he didn’t think I was anything special because he is a giant dork and would date anything that said yes. For instance, our office was right across “The Weather Channel” and I’ve heard him ask one of the girls what she thought the weather was going to be like that day. When the girl brushed him off, he said “What about my hug?” I’ve told him that he was exactly like Ron Burgundy in “The Anchorman,” to which he replied, “Sorry, I don’t watch trash.” Granted, he’s a pretty smart guy and very passionate about politics and the environment. He’s penned several political and environmental protests and bills that I found online (I checked because I thought he was lying). I remember when he stormed into the office telling me about the sorry state of air pollution and how he was going to write the senator.

“Aren’t you going to do something about it, Nina?”

“Uh … no? What can I do?”

“Well, you can go to – lists websites – and sign the various petitions. Will you do that, at least?”

I got into a fight with him once (one of our several) because he asked me, so fucking condescendingly, if I knew what a certain word meant. I said yes. He said, “Well do you know what the word means in this context?” Feeling like the slighted minority, that question set me off because he makes up words all the time and the lawyer and I used to laugh at him for it. Needless to say, he was pretty shocked that I had that much to say about my grasp of context and vocabulary and was forced to squeak out an apology. The next day, he asked me out.

When the latest Batman movie came out, he wouldn’t stop bugging me to watch it. Even after I had said “no” countless times, he would find a way to bring it into the conversation:

“So, have you seen Batman yet?”

“Nope”

“God. What kind of boyfriend do you have, not taking you to see Batman?!”

“Relax! Everything’s going to be okay. Just take a deep breath.”

Don’t get me wrong, we were friends. I mean, I never took any of his declarations seriously and even then, he was pretty entertaining (when you forgot about the smell). Everybody in the office was teasing us, so much so that the lawyer stuck the both of us in one office. That made sense because both of us were writing the demand letters but it didn’t stop them from giving me a hard time about it. Amber would sometimes waltz into the room, spray cologne and leave right after. That was hilarious. Every time I would eat something he would grab the packet out of my hands and read the nutritional content part out to me, including my Monster energy drink.

“Hmm… looks like this one is pretty healthy. I didn’t know that.”

Not that I didn’t have my share of “moments.” Once, my computer keyboard froze and I was trying to figure out how to fix it. I went under the desk to try and disconnect it and I must have been in there a long time because he came back from lunch, saw my legs sticking out, peeked under the table and found me almost crying from the effort.

Oh, and his mother would call him up from time to time and Amber wouldn’t stop teasing him about it, especially when he would come in with neatly packed lunches that his mother made. He was kind of a spoiled, rich Beverly Hills kid who drove a Passat and who lived in one of those fancy apartments (Amber told me) and he’d get all dressed up for work … oh, he was such a character. All of them were and I miss them, sometimes. Amber (who looked a lot like Shanna Moakler) used to be so amazed that I could tuck in so much food and not gain a pound. She’d go out for McDonald’s and I’d ask her to get me 6 boxes of the 6-piece nuggets (coz Tuesday’s, they only cost a dollar. So that would be six dollars for 30 nuggets! Of course, don’t convert it to pesos) and a cheeseburger. She would look at me all awestruck and finally say, “FUCK YOU! You can eat all that and stay skinny!” and then slam the door behind her.

A smile. Thank God for that.