Update

That sign is from a coffeeshop called "Karma," a place where BJ, his sister and I ended up, in the attempt to kill time while waiting for my friend Joanna. It was pretty awkward, considering the fact that there was this band called "Lazy Angels" playing and everyone knew each other. We slinked towards the back of the room to watch and keep warm(it was too damn windy outside). Everything about that moment was trippy - the band, their music, the place and the coffee.

They were giving out free t-shirts and even if I didn't recognize a single song they played, I was the first in line. The band members came up to Ana and I, saying we were awesome for coming to watch them, we were awesome for getting t-shirts and for signing up for their mailing list. We nodded and smiled even though deep inside, we were cringing with absolute embarrassment. Inching slowly away, we promised to watch their next gig.

I had fun. And the shirt's cool.

I can't believe I've been away from my family for more than two months now. There are moments where my heart just breaks with wanting to be with them. Two months is a pretty long time because that's more than enough time for people to gain weight and outgrow their clothes, enough time to get taller and have to buy bigger shoes, etc. I talked to Franco for a bit last week and was amazed at how his voice sounded different and far away. Or maybe it's just me. I'm glad my dad's voice is still unbelievably jolly and solid. My mom's is the same too and I miss them so so so so much. Also, two months is more than enough time for me to change. At the same time, though, I know I have to do this. This trying it out in a whole different atmosphere, this being with BJ to see if we really work... just this. I have weak moments where all I want to be is on my parent's bed and having dinner with them but who knows, I might just end up being there sooner than we all think. Life is pretty funky that way. Hell, I never thought I'd end up being able to grapple with my life this closely, without the comfort of my family. It's really up to me, at this point.

Yikes. And wow.

PS. Ironically, what keeps me going is knowing that I can give up anytime.