I'm at the hospital right now, waiting with Clara for BJ's mom to finish her appointment. I don't know why I haven't been updating much, both here and in my other blog. Nothing substantial has happened so far, except for that week where I trained at a law firm. That didn't work out, which all works out for the best I guess. I don't think I can spend long hours filing, converting files into various forms, etc. I'll wait for the next opportunity that comes my way. So far, I've turned down 4 jobs. Not a good thing to be so picky but not a good thing to just settle, either.
Bj's family is wonderful and I appreciate having a second family, even though I miss my original brady bunch. I miss my mom very very much, as well as my dad and brother. They're the only ones who get me completely. I miss the laughs and the common interests and the unspeakable peace that comes with being who you really are. As for Bj and I, I guess we're okay. I was wrong to think that the trials would be over upon this long-term(I hope) reunion. So damn wrong. Suddenly, the relationship seems just as difficult as when we were apart. I have to deal with mood swings, unbelievable crankiness and basically just ... Change. I have to deal with the fact that Bj's a real person - in the sense that he's got flaws and inconsistencies. As do I, of course. We're dealing with a whole new getting-to-know-you process, which is thrilling and exhausting at the same time. I hope we get through this okay.
Last weekend I met up with one of my best friends from sixth grade to senior year high school. It was great seeing a good solid friend, and meeting hers as well. I have a bone to pick with the girl who wouldn't quit bopping my head though. Nobody bops my head. It took all my restraint not to yell at her: tangina wag mo akong batukan! Poof. On that note, I would like to say that I'm really quite bad at adjusting to Bj's friends and world but with a little time and effort (on his part as well, I should hope), maybe I'll get better.
I miss my friends and I miss knowing for sure that I could do anything I wanted in the place where I am comfortable and familiar with. At the same time, I'm thrilled at the challenges I am faced with, the biggest being my idleness. I wish things start moving up for me, or at least forward. The fact that nobody is taking care of me emotionally is difficult but then I want to reach a point in my life wherein I don't have to depend on anyone but myself. Perhaps I need this kind of loneliness, at this point in my life.
But I can honestly say that I'm some kind of happy. I'm grateful for that, anyway.
EDIT: I HAVE TICKETS FOR WICKED! WOOOOOO!!!!!!
Bj's family is wonderful and I appreciate having a second family, even though I miss my original brady bunch. I miss my mom very very much, as well as my dad and brother. They're the only ones who get me completely. I miss the laughs and the common interests and the unspeakable peace that comes with being who you really are. As for Bj and I, I guess we're okay. I was wrong to think that the trials would be over upon this long-term(I hope) reunion. So damn wrong. Suddenly, the relationship seems just as difficult as when we were apart. I have to deal with mood swings, unbelievable crankiness and basically just ... Change. I have to deal with the fact that Bj's a real person - in the sense that he's got flaws and inconsistencies. As do I, of course. We're dealing with a whole new getting-to-know-you process, which is thrilling and exhausting at the same time. I hope we get through this okay.
Last weekend I met up with one of my best friends from sixth grade to senior year high school. It was great seeing a good solid friend, and meeting hers as well. I have a bone to pick with the girl who wouldn't quit bopping my head though. Nobody bops my head. It took all my restraint not to yell at her: tangina wag mo akong batukan! Poof. On that note, I would like to say that I'm really quite bad at adjusting to Bj's friends and world but with a little time and effort (on his part as well, I should hope), maybe I'll get better.
I miss my friends and I miss knowing for sure that I could do anything I wanted in the place where I am comfortable and familiar with. At the same time, I'm thrilled at the challenges I am faced with, the biggest being my idleness. I wish things start moving up for me, or at least forward. The fact that nobody is taking care of me emotionally is difficult but then I want to reach a point in my life wherein I don't have to depend on anyone but myself. Perhaps I need this kind of loneliness, at this point in my life.
But I can honestly say that I'm some kind of happy. I'm grateful for that, anyway.
EDIT: I HAVE TICKETS FOR WICKED! WOOOOOO!!!!!!
4 comments:
Mik, I miss you too. I'm glad to see you're happy, although I use that word loosely, because you still arent completely happy. I just hope you find where you really belong, where you'll thrive and excel, and where you really want to be for yourself, and not for other people. wala lang. i love you and support u 1000%. -nic
re: tickets to Wicked
OMG! Enjoy! ^_^
I'm reading the book right now.
Nic: Thank you very much! I love and support you too, even if we both fall back one million times :)
Tin: I KNOW!!!! Thanks! It won't be the original cast anymore, though :/ No Idina Menzel for me. Hopefully, it will still be awesome :) Oh, and enjoy the book. I enjoyed it a lot and am especially curious how they will portray Nessarose in the musical
Will be watching Wicked too this September :0) I'm really looking forward to it...
And I've also been here in the East Bay for ~2 months... I miss my family too.
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