I thought it was going to be so easy. I've planned this route for years. Looked at all the possible loopholes, all the advantages and disadvantages. It took all that I had to do this, to risk this.
All of a sudden, the world decides, "Oh no, most things are going your way and we can't have that. The universe can't have that and therefore, here are a couple more CONCRETE WALLS you have to bang yourself against."
I used to have the strength and optimism to face whatever comes my way but all that's going away now. And I refuse to call this reality check "growing up." No.
I have nothing positive to show for this hopeful jump at possible fulfillment. All I have are too-tight jeans, cheap shoes and an acquired taste for failure.
I think I'll just answer a survey:
1.Do u get JEALOUS easily? I don't really understand why "jealous" is in all caps but it's probably because the answer is yes. Unfortunately.
2. What have u been doing these past few days? Staying home and going crazy because of the lack of a job.
3. Last movie u watched? "Wit," which I really really enjoyed. It was excellent.
4. Fave song? why? I've been re-listening to a lot of Rachael Sage lately. "Bravedancing," in particular.
5. What are u planning to do this weekend? Take my mind off disappointments I can't do anything about. Oh, and there's a get-together on Sunday so... yeah. Eat.
6. Do u club? It was my first time to go to a club (as in "Go shorty, it's yo' birthday" 50 Cent kind of club) last month. I can't quite say I enjoyed it because the floor was dirty and the people couldn't dance for shit (including me, of course). The Midori Sour was good but I hope I can go to a better club (aesthetic-wise, people-dancing-wise) next time. Before that, I was in a club on Halloween with Cecile, Marts, Alexis and Chris. That was a whole lotta smoke.
7. Do u drink alcohol? Hm. If I were offered a drink, I would accept. I don't think I'd ever initiate a "Let's drink" kind of moment, though.
8. Any people in love with u right now? HOPEFULLY!
9. Do u prefer sms or talking on the phone? Neither.
10. Are u missing someone right now? Yeah - my family.
11. What are u doing right now? I was able to put Clara to sleep (my first time! Woo!! There's a certain victory in putting a baby to sleep pala, I never knew) so now I'm sort of watching her because stupid me put her on the edge of the bed and I'm afraid she might fall.
12. When was the last time u received an sms? from whom? Forty minutes ago. BJ told me to not lose hope.
13. 5 words to say about u? Self-stresser, pessimistic, moody, shy, nervous
14. Name ur good friends: Basta.
15. Who do u want to kiss right now? I don't want to kiss anyone right now.
16. (1) one person u want to spend the rest of ur life w/? BJ. Let's see what happens, though.
17. What were u doing before this? Reading Gamalinda's "Peripheral Vision." Finally.
18. What are you thinking of right now? How I can't find a job.
19.What did you do last night? I couldn't sleep because it was too hot so I went to the kitchen and ate Skyflakes with chicken spread. Oh, and I put my jeans on ebay.
20.What did you last say to a friend last night? To Martin: I feel like such a failure.
21.What attracts you to the opposite sex? Before it was how angas they were but now, I'm attracted to people who are comfortable with themselves. Oh, and if they don't wear sandos.
22.What makes you happy? Learning. Naks. Seriously, though. Be it through books or a conversation ... bobo is the worst state of mind.
23.Who's the last person u txtd last nyt? I don't think I texted anybody last night.
24.Who was the last person you talked to? BJ's mom.
25.What do you want to tell someone but you haven't? That I think I'm worth it.
26.When is your birthday? January 29
27 When is your crush's birthday? Halloween.
28. When did you last smile? Watching the baby eat corn.
29. Why did you answer this? Because it takes my mind off other things.
30. When will you marry? I don't know. Not yet.
31. When did u last receive a gift? Mailyn gave me Reese's cookies (which we have been hunting down but can't find anywhere!) the other day. Yay.
All of a sudden, the world decides, "Oh no, most things are going your way and we can't have that. The universe can't have that and therefore, here are a couple more CONCRETE WALLS you have to bang yourself against."
I used to have the strength and optimism to face whatever comes my way but all that's going away now. And I refuse to call this reality check "growing up." No.
I have nothing positive to show for this hopeful jump at possible fulfillment. All I have are too-tight jeans, cheap shoes and an acquired taste for failure.
I think I'll just answer a survey:
1.Do u get JEALOUS easily? I don't really understand why "jealous" is in all caps but it's probably because the answer is yes. Unfortunately.
2. What have u been doing these past few days? Staying home and going crazy because of the lack of a job.
3. Last movie u watched? "Wit," which I really really enjoyed. It was excellent.
4. Fave song? why? I've been re-listening to a lot of Rachael Sage lately. "Bravedancing," in particular.
5. What are u planning to do this weekend? Take my mind off disappointments I can't do anything about. Oh, and there's a get-together on Sunday so... yeah. Eat.
6. Do u club? It was my first time to go to a club (as in "Go shorty, it's yo' birthday" 50 Cent kind of club) last month. I can't quite say I enjoyed it because the floor was dirty and the people couldn't dance for shit (including me, of course). The Midori Sour was good but I hope I can go to a better club (aesthetic-wise, people-dancing-wise) next time. Before that, I was in a club on Halloween with Cecile, Marts, Alexis and Chris. That was a whole lotta smoke.
7. Do u drink alcohol? Hm. If I were offered a drink, I would accept. I don't think I'd ever initiate a "Let's drink" kind of moment, though.
8. Any people in love with u right now? HOPEFULLY!
9. Do u prefer sms or talking on the phone? Neither.
10. Are u missing someone right now? Yeah - my family.
11. What are u doing right now? I was able to put Clara to sleep (my first time! Woo!! There's a certain victory in putting a baby to sleep pala, I never knew) so now I'm sort of watching her because stupid me put her on the edge of the bed and I'm afraid she might fall.
12. When was the last time u received an sms? from whom? Forty minutes ago. BJ told me to not lose hope.
13. 5 words to say about u? Self-stresser, pessimistic, moody, shy, nervous
14. Name ur good friends: Basta.
15. Who do u want to kiss right now? I don't want to kiss anyone right now.
16. (1) one person u want to spend the rest of ur life w/? BJ. Let's see what happens, though.
17. What were u doing before this? Reading Gamalinda's "Peripheral Vision." Finally.
18. What are you thinking of right now? How I can't find a job.
19.What did you do last night? I couldn't sleep because it was too hot so I went to the kitchen and ate Skyflakes with chicken spread. Oh, and I put my jeans on ebay.
20.What did you last say to a friend last night? To Martin: I feel like such a failure.
21.What attracts you to the opposite sex? Before it was how angas they were but now, I'm attracted to people who are comfortable with themselves. Oh, and if they don't wear sandos.
22.What makes you happy? Learning. Naks. Seriously, though. Be it through books or a conversation ... bobo is the worst state of mind.
23.Who's the last person u txtd last nyt? I don't think I texted anybody last night.
24.Who was the last person you talked to? BJ's mom.
25.What do you want to tell someone but you haven't? That I think I'm worth it.
26.When is your birthday? January 29
27 When is your crush's birthday? Halloween.
28. When did you last smile? Watching the baby eat corn.
29. Why did you answer this? Because it takes my mind off other things.
30. When will you marry? I don't know. Not yet.
31. When did u last receive a gift? Mailyn gave me Reese's cookies (which we have been hunting down but can't find anywhere!) the other day. Yay.
5 comments:
YES! a long entry to devour
mika, when did this whole disappointment happen? before we ym'd last night? goodgawd, sana sinabi mo, nagpatawa sana ako. hindi siguro nakakatawa yun pero, susubukan kong i-brighten up are iyong araw. ohwell. shit hapens. mahal kita.--lou
bean: i'm sorry it's just a continuation of my eternal sob story. i'll write something light-hearted soon. hehe.
lou: ok lang just talking to you cheers me up! really! ingat ka i love you toO!
jill: WOW thanks so much that's a MASSIVE help.
"i feel a sharp pain in my stomach."
"what sort of pain?"
"sharp."
hahaha this is the 'wit' you watched right?
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