I'm developing quite a sizable annoyance toward people who have the Pretty Word Syndrome when writing. I'm not going to lie because, yes, I've gone through that phase. To the point of embarrassment, even. Want proof?

I would be layers of chantung, chiffon and raw silk, all in shades of mauve, old rose, lavender and tea white. In between would be miniscule transparent crystals, catching the light and bouncing off the sun like a tilt-a-whirl carnival ride. In the midst of it would be bold, jagged swatches of vibrant scarlet, indigo periwinkle and magenta, as phosphorescent as fireflies on a pitch black night. On top of all that commotion and soothing calm, I would be a comfortable patchwork quilt. Gingham, cheesecloth and checks in alternate squares. Corduroy, soft to the touch and caressingly worn. I would never be velvet as I am not resplendent and regal. I would never be satin as I am not smooth and cold to the touch. I am a variety of textures. Rough. I am a hodgepodge of transparencies. Mesh, opaque, tattered lace – little peepholes into my soul.

That humiliating piece of work, my friends, is from the time when I thought that I was Francesca Lia Block (I'm shuddering right now, for your information). It took me a while to realize that writing effectively does not equate to putting as much pretty words in as little space possible. No. We can't all be Jeanette Winterson (although I'm biased with Winterson, because she's just brilliant. Every word is there for a reason) or Francesca Lia Block, after all. In fact, Block has a tendency to overdo it (case in point: Echo). There were times when I felt like screaming, "Okay, we get it. She wears lace and vintage dresses! Enough with the jacarandas, already!"

You know?

And I don't like people who write with the mentality of the reading experience not being complete without a dictionary. It's just like what Max Pulan says about simple language being the best approach. I'm lucky enough to even understand a smidgen of what E. San Juan Jr. has to say but I would really appreciate it if his messages were relayed in a much simpler, more direct manner. Using big words is not enough of an indication of your wisdom. Jargon is necessary, but never to the point of alienation. Sometimes it's just pompous.

Now some of you might be saying, "Maybe you're just not smart enough to get it."

To that I have no response.